These are paragraph somewhere a little later in the story. They both on different things
It's happened before. The last time I took the bus after an episode. A lady with her child. Nothing visual like now, a little bump on the cheek . . nothing more. But she looked at me, eyes seering into my heart; exposing my shame and showing the world I was a thing to be pitied. Everything I had accomplished and loved was cleared away, my heart emptied in an instant. I was just a poor girl, that now carried a bruise on my heart, all caused by a two eyes delving into my soul.
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Mo could hear the snoring over the metered laugh of the studio audience. She let out a silent sigh of relief; thinking they would never fall asleep. They only had fifteen minutes more to do so or all of her plans would be for naught. The sweat beaded on her face, and as she felt it slide down her brow she swiped it away. Not Now! She knew that if she started sweating, her hair would be a greasy-looking mess for the move, and it could be just the sign for a wary cop or nosey busy-body; any number of which they would encounter on the road, and only one was needed to blow the whole thing and put not only her, but everyone involved in serious jeopardy.
[background you might need to know: she's waiting for two people to fall asleep in front of a tv, so that she can sneak out of the house in order to escape her abuse. She is being helped and she is wearing a wig.]
Sorry that they are kind of random . . . but right now I'm still developing the story, and it has a lot of holes. For the first paragraph: too dramatic? (I think I've been reading too many sappy novels lately) The second: to wordy?
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